20.12.2002

<reverse camouflage >

It's snowing.

I realized how limited my lexicon of snow is and that of sun and rain far exceeds that of any other weather phenomenon. Glaring, bright, scorching, seething, gleaming. Drizzling, pouring, spattering, splashing, pattering, showers, monsoons, cats and dogs. But well, that's Singapore.

Here in Beijing, snow is piling up. When it first started, people were frantically coming out of their houses with their spades to scrap off the first layer of snow to prevent that slippery, dangerous layer of ice to form. But now, I think as snow gets heavier, they are staying home and staying warm.

The snow seems to have muted the city. A large constrast to what it was in summer when the heat seemed to augment every nasty aspect of the city - dust, noise, and chatty Chinese.

Chatty Chinese. My experience of that comes mostly from taxi drivers. I know taxi drivers are mostly a chatty bunch anywhere. But here, they challenge my identity. A pretty standard conversation goes like this -

WL gets into cab and gives directions to destination. Silence follows. But eventually driver speaks
Driver: Where are you from?
WL: Singapore
Driver: Ah, your putonghua is rather good!
WL: it's alright.
Driver: what's the money like in Singapore?
WL: about 1 sgd - 5 rmb
Driver: wah. It's a prosperous country!
WL: It's alright. But economy is not doing well now
Driver: where's your origins
WL: my grandparents were from the Guangdong province
D: and your parents?
WL: born in Singapore
D: oooohhh. And you?
WL: Singapore too
Silence as D tries to digest the information
D: so who are people who are born and bred in Singapore?
WL: people like me and my parents. But if u are asking about the original people before the migrants were the malays.
D: noo, but you are Chinese.
WL: no, I'm not Chinese. I'm a Singaporean.
D: aahh. No, but u are still part of the big Chinese race. Your origins are from China
WL: no, I'm Singaporean. I'm a hua ren, but not zhong guo ren…
D: aahhahh. ok ok
D looks unconvinced

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only Singaporean to get this. I'm usually quite patient to talk to non-Singaporeans about the little island state and clarifying our chewing gum policies (which I like and totally approve of). However, I'm never quite keen to get into discussion of the 'great Chinese empire' and how I should be part of it, especially with the Chinese. I speak Mandarin with my parents. I learned Mandarin in school. I know a thing or two about Chinese customs and values. At the same time, my values and belief system are also shaped by the non-Chinese aspects of my growing up environment. English as the main (and almost the ONLY) social and working language has been convenient in getting me and most of my peers exposed to the 'western' world. Pop culture was very influential - and that's not Chinese (not for me anyways). I learned Indonesian and chose to major in Southeast Asian studies in the university as I regarded the region as my 'backyard', and feel much affinity to it then to East Asia. Many friends were Malays, Indians and Eurasians. Not that we understood each other's racial cultures by hanging out. Superficial things, yes. Like what languages they speak at home, what their ethic costumes and cuisines are. However, primordial feelings, no. Many of them, too, have one foot in their racial culture, and the other foot, perhaps the bigger foot, in the other culture - a culture that is not very distinctive yet, but has developed slowly but surely over the years. It's hard to define what society and culture is, especially for a young country like Singapore. Someone asked me once to name a single government policy that can bring Singaporeans home from overseas. I said no government policy pleases everyone and to bring these Singaporeans home, maybe we don't have to try to look too far. It can be something as simple as a bowl of laksa.

I've seen and heard overseas Singaporeans come together to form 'Singapore Clubs' voluntarily. Speaking Singlish becomes a kind of affinity among us. Discussing the latest government policies over Singaporean food becomes a way to keeping in touch with what's going on at home. (Talking about the 'what the government is saying now', complaining about it, and not doing anything about our complains, I believe, is also quite a Singaporean culture.) There are also many of these Singaporean gatherings in China. I thought, my grandparents would not have done a thing like that - they came to Singapore and set up all these clans of THEIR China hometowns! The Singaporean government frets over developing The Singapore Identity. Sure, they have to do their part in 'propaganda' - making kids sing cheesy national day songs and all. But something IS happening. I'm pretty sure, given a bit of time for evolution, we will be doing quite alright.

The Chinese IT guy in my company reformatted my PC harddisk and now, every pull-down menu is in Chinese. So I asked him to change it. He was reluctant, saying that I can read Chinese. I explained that I could still use it, but it meant some getting used to and while I'm at that, I will be slowed down at work. He says I have to communicate with the rest of the Chinese in the office anyway. I rebutted, saying that they may not be able to speak English well, but they can read and understand English. They have to when non-Chinese speaking foreigners are 1/2 the company population. He did not like that of course - but knew I was right. I would like to, but did not add that if I were a non-ethnic Chinese foreigner, it would have been no question. But I look just like him, he thinks I can and should work and gel into anything Chinese right away.

The other day, I was crossing at the traffic lights. Halfway, a Chinese policeman shouted in my face and commanded me like he would to a prisoner to go reverse and cross somewhere else a few hundred meters away. Seems that where I was crossing was for bicycles only. I did not know. I would have done as I was told but I was very intimidated by the policeman, who dared to be so rude. I stopped, looked at him indignantly and said, 'I'm sorry, I don't understand Chinese'. He was exasperated. Not knowing how to reply he walked off quietly. Soldiers camouflage themselves for defence. In this case it seems like reverse camouflage of some kind. If that means getting treated better, or getting into less arguments with taxi drivers and IT guys, I guess I would use it in defense of my dignity. Also, I know it will be a while before they understand what the Singapore story is all about.

Earlier the snow was coming down in big clumpy bits but it seems lighter now. That is less of a battle going home on a bicycle. I only have to deal with the rest of the cyclists, who would not give a hoot about safety for the other cyclists. If one gets knocked over, he is by himself. The life of anyone on a bicycle is no more worthy than the other. They will be more careful if they knew you were a foreigner, but of course, I am but one of the crowd. I wonder if reverse camouflage in this case would mean wearing a blonde wig and blue contact lenses?

disclaimer: the above is taken of the top of my head during one of those dull dull days in the office when the brain refused to be active. any narcissistic comments or political-incorrect terms not intended.